Well it’s been almost six months since my enthusiastic last post. I was buoyed up by post-marathon, post-engagement enthusiasm. And then what happened? Well (and I’m going to be very honest here) life got in the way, and I got lazy. As Christmas approached my weight kept creeping steadily in the wrong direction, an abortive attempt to follow the Jenny Craig diet was abandoned (more on that later), my running efforts dwindled as my waistline expanded and so, in desperation, I found myself biting the bullet and emailing my local Lighter Life counsellor in December.
It was not, by any stretch of the imagination, an easy decision. It’s not following the regime that’s an issue for me, it’s the emotional feeling of having failed. I promised myself that this would not happen: that I would never be ‘a fat person’ again, that I wouldn’t rely on the programme as a way of compensating for my own weight mis-management. And then clearly it all began to unravel. I didn’t regain all of the weight – not even close – but I was sitting at the top of a very slippery slope. I’ve been on the programme for three weeks now (8kg/18lb down and counting) and it’s taken me this long to go public about it. I wanted to be sure that I was going to stick at it and that I was serious. Now I know that I am. I’ve put my pride to one side and admitted that one of the key things that kept me going last time was writing this blog. So, here I am again.
I mentioned that I tried Jenny Craig, and failed. It’s clear to me why that is. Not only did it work out to be fiercely expensive (what they don’t explain is just how much food you have to buy in addition to what they provide you) but, for me, the level of flexibility meant that I simply didn’t take it seriously enough. It was too easy to bend the rules and cheat. I’ve learnt that I’m only successful if I do one of two things: a) stick to a rigid regime or b) follow a healthy lifestyle. Anything in between those two things just feels faddy, unrealistic and, ultimately, pointless. Clearly I don’t want to put anyone off if they’re thinking of trying that particular diet, I’m just saying that it wasn’t right for me.
On a more positive note, being back on lighter life has enabled me to do several things. My ‘clear up and clear out’ fixation has come back at a particularly useful time (we’re moving out of our house to renovate it); my self-confidence is rising and I feel very positive indeed; I’ve summoned the courage to book an appointment to try on wedding dresses (early April and I can’t wait); I’m no longer dreading looking pudgy on the Big Day and, last but not least, I went running on Saturday for the first time in weeks. Everything in my world, as they say, is looking rosy (and I simply refuse to attribute it all to ketosis euphoria).
One thing I’ve been a bit more hesitant about this time around is broadcasting the fact that I’m on the diet to all and sundry. I was open about it the first time, to the point of evangelism, but I’ve been a bit more circumspect this time. It’s not that I’m embarrassed, it’s just that I genuinely can’t face any ‘oh, do you really need to do that again?’ discussions. Not at the moment, anyway. Perhaps I’ll feel differently when I’m happily clambering back into my thin girl clothes that are currently taunting me from the back of the wardrobe.
All that remains to be said is that it’s good to be back.