I’m pleased to say that I’m in a much better frame of mind today! I was really annoyed with myself yesterday … but the good thing is that my impromptu weigh-in at the gym was the kick in the backside that I needed. It has forced me to get back on track … I think that after the rigorous regime of lighter life for all those months the natural rebel in me was beginning to resist my new-found (and blatantly necessary) routine.
So I’ve taken a grip of myself again. I am now religiously counting calories. Yes, it’s dull and yes, it’s one of those things that we all hate doing (and why we end up in a situation where lighter life is the answer) but I can’t argue with the simple truth that I need to be very conscious of what I’m eating and drinking, in the short term at least. I’m keeping a daily food and exercise diary and will be weighing myself once a week to track my progress. During lighter life I kept a spreadsheet of my weight loss … the Boy has suggested on numerous occasions that I should keep this going now I’m eating again (and not because he’s trying to make me anorexic, but because he knows how undisciplined I am!). I will be monitoring the progress of my weight from now on, hopefully in a downward direction!
One of the main things that I learned on lighter life was that I don’t have any boundaries. This doesn’t just apply to food, it applies to everything. I need to have some sort of structure to stop myself from spiralling out of control. Some people cut up their credit cards, and some people count calories … to me it’s the deliberate imposition of control and it amounts to the same thing. Take my training as an example. When I have an appointment with my trainer I make the effort to be there (even at ungodly o’clock on a Monday) but when I’m left to my own devices I can just as easily stay in bed, or in front of the TV, or go to the pub instead. I have no inherent discipline at all! Even beginning this blog was an intentional device to help me stick to the diet … it’s much harder to admit defeat, or cheat, or crawl back under your stone when other people are watching.
I feel better already, after just twenty four hours. I’m happier in mind and I feel lighter in body. Strange, isn’t it? I also don’t feel guilty. I was getting into that mindset of ‘you naughty girl, you had a glass of wine / bar of chocolate / extra slice of toast’, which is utterly pointless. That gets you into an absurd cycle of comfort (or, more accurately, punishment) eating which, as we all know, is a one way ticket to weight hell. It’s so much more beneficial to have a mindset built on balance. Yes, you can have that chocolate bar, but you need to understand what it implies in the context of what else you feed your body on that day. That’s control, and that’s adult behaviour. As a novice to this way of thinking, being very mindful of my calorie intake until I can trust myself to make the right decisions automatically is a very good step forward.
So I’m taking my positive self out tonight to meet a friend of mine. And, with my remaining 600 calories in the bank for today, I may just live dangerously and have a small gin and (slimline) tonic. So there! 🙂