The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Days 200 to 204 – Making New Commitments 1 September 2008

What a whirlwind last week was!  And all of a sudden it’s Monday again and another weekend has disappeared.

The chaos is all down to my new job.  I’m with the same company, but I’ve been promoted and my role has changed which has involved lots of inductions, meetings and general strain on the old brain.  This has meant that anything diet-related has had to take a back seat.  Frankly, after months of thinking solely about lighter life and my weight, maybe that’s a good thing!

When I wrote my last proper post I was on an enormous high having managed to shift the weight I’d gained on holiday.  I’ve not been near a set of scales since that day, nor to a counselling session (thanks to three all day meetings back to back last week).  So goodness knows what my weight has done since then.  I need to be more disciplined about weighing myself regularly.  I come from the school of thinking that you shouldn’t necessarily weigh yourself every day (I know many people will disagree with that) because I think it’s far too easy to get obsessive about it.  I had a terrible tendency in my teens to go through binge/purge cycles where my weight was concerned, and for years after leaving home I refused to have a set of scales in the house.  Clearly I went too far in the other direction, but I really want to remain rational and sensible about what the scales say.

We had a barbecue at my house over the bank holiday weekend, and some friends came who were over for ten days from Boston.  They’ve been monitoring my weight loss progress (mainly through this blog and facebook) but it’s still flattering and rewarding to see the kind of surprise that they registered when they actually saw me in the flesh.  I think I’m pretty much used to my new physique now (although, in my heart of hearts, I do still consider myself to be a fat person in many respects), and most of my friends have seen me, but it’s still a shock for some.  I know that I’ve been lucky in the support and reactions that I’ve had from the people around me … I just hope that I won’t slowly pile the weight back on and have to see the disappointment on their faces, not to mention face up to how dreadful that would make me feel.

I don’t feel like I’m dieting anymore, even though a proportion of my diet is still lighter life food.  I’m trying desperately to get back to normal.  When I say that, I mean normal for the ‘thin people’ that I envied for so long, not normal for the old me.  The old me would be putting her feet up and reaching for a bag of crisps, whereas I’m trying to plan a new lifestyle and a new regime that will take me into a healthier future.  As I write I’ve just returned from a meeting with a personal trainer.  I have my first session tomorrow at 7.30am.  The old me would rather have eaten her own shoes than sign up for something like this, but I know that I need help, support and motivation to build on what I’ve achieved to date.  I just hope that I can do it.

I have another meeting now (will I be this busy from now on, I wonder?), but I’ll let you know how the training goes tomorrow.  Er, provided that I don’t oversleep …

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