So I’m back on the shakes and, frankly, it’s not so bad! This is my third proper day and it’s a lot easier than I thought it would be, which is a colossal relief. This may sound odd but there’s something very familiar, even comforting (!), about getting back into the rhythm of the lighter life regime. And by that I don’t mean that I intend to seek refuge in abstinence if I discover that I can’t manage my weight in the future, rather that I wasn’t comfortable about the weight I’d achieved which was like a perpetual nagging voice in the back of my brain. That voice has shut up for the time being, and I feel much happier.
I went to my group meeting on Thursday night and had a long one-on-one chat with my counsellor (most of the group are on holiday). She was, as ever, incredibly insightful and helpful. We talked about the pros and cons of a return to abstinence. Her point of view was that I needed to think long and hard about my motivations for shifting that extra stone (ish). She said, which is very true, that I’d come so far and achieved all the goals that I’d set myself … could I genuinely gear myself up mentally to do it? I came away from the session feeling very positive. She recommended that I tried three food packs a day and one light meal (similar to the first two weeks of the management programme) which would enable me to lose weight at a rate of about 3lbs a week. When I got home and thought about it I knew that this wouldn’t be enough. Weirdly I have the discipline to throw myself wholeheartedly into abstinence, but I think that a halfway house would frustrate me immensely. Also, I promised myself when I began this diet that I’d be settled at a comfortable and healthy weight by the end of the year. If I go the slow route, that might not happen, especially if the pounds start bouncing up and down like a yo-yo. At the very least, I owe it to myself to give this a shot.
You wait … the next post will probably begin with ‘I fell off the wagon on Sunday and ate lots of pies’ … 🙂
The real test, as ever, will be booze. I didn’t drink a thing for about five months which, for an apprentice alcoholic like myself, was pretty impressive. Over the last few weeks I’ve obviously been drinking again, but not nearly to the degree that I used to. I’ve tried to make myself enjoy white wine spritzers rather than pints of Guinness or buckets of red wine, and I’ve been pretty successful. But I’m going out tonight (for the last night of racing at Walthamstow dog track … what a terrible shame!) and it’s going to be difficult not only admit that I’ve had to go back on the diet, but also to be disciplined enough to drink water. I’ll have to keep thinking about how virtuous I’ll feel in the morning when I don’t wake up with a fuzzy head!
Other than tonight’s little challenge I have a very nice weekend planned with lots of things to keep my mind off dieting. My Mum’s coming round today to see the newly-decorated house, so a spot of panic-tidying is in order. (I’m hoping that the return to abstinence will put me back in purge mode and I’ll manage to get rid of the last few bits of junk that are sitting woefully in boxes in the dining room). Then tomorrow I’m off to Kent to visit a friend’s new flat. I say ‘new’ but he’s actually owned the place for about nine months … he just refused to let anyone near it until he’d completed all the work on it and everything was perfect. Well, I’ll be casting my critical eye over it, I can assure you 🙂
Right. Time to get the hoover out.