The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Day 169 – To Abstain Or Not To Abstain? 29 July 2008

Well the bad news wasn’t so bad.  I’ve gained 1lb, which is pretty impressive considering I’ve been to a wedding and a birthday party since my last weigh in (not to mention the fact that I’ve indulged in several glasses of wine in the sunshine too).  So I felt good about that.  The trouble is, I still haven’t reached my all-important target.  I think that the original target I set myself of ten and a half stone (about 67kg, I think) was optimistic.  I’m currently hovering around the 12 stone mark and, to be honest, the thought of being a stone and a half lighter seems too much to me.  That said, if my weight is going to creep up slowly before it settles down, it would be smart to shift at least a few more pounds before I finally knock this diet on the head.  Perhaps, and I hate to admit this, my decision to go into management early was the wrong one.

My counsellor suggested that I might think about going back into abstinence for at least a couple of weeks.  Apparently one of the other women in my management group has decided to do that because she was fluctuating slightly and, like me, didn’t have a ‘safety barrier’ of half a stone or so.  Clearly this isn’t a decision to be taken lightly, for many reasons.  Firstly, it will be bloody hard to give up food again … not impossible, but hard.  It would feel like someone had taken all of my Christmas presents away on new year’s day.  Secondly, and this is more important, I don’t want to start leaning on the diet in the wrong way.  I can’t let myself get into the mentality that lighter life will ‘fix me’ every time I fall off the wagon.  Clearly I’m not in a crazy on/off situation just yet, but it would be a bad habit to get into.  And thirdly, shouldn’t I simply shift the weight slowly like ‘normal’ people do?  One of the reasons that I went into management slightly early was because I was worried about the effect that any more rapid loss would have on my body … I was on the cusp of that delightful (and oh so sexy) deflated balloon look because my poor old skin simply couldn’t keep pace with the loss.  So the decision is quite a big one.

Whatever happens, I have a couple of weeks to mull it over.  I’m off on holiday on Friday for ten days with the Boy and his family.  There’s no way I’m going to attempt abstinence then … not least because his lovely mother has paid for us to go and it’s an all-inclusive holiday.  Of course I’m not going to binge like a starved pig, but I would feel more than slightly guilty if I didn’t join them at mealtimes.  I would feel like I was taking my own booze to a pub … terribly bad manners and downright rude, frankly!  So I’m intending to give the whole abstinence thing some serious thought while I’m lounging by the pool and see how I feel (and what I weigh) when I get home.

In keeping with my good intentions I’m going to the gym again tomorrow morning.  It’s a bit tragic that I’m actually quite looking forward to it … I think I need to get out more.  While I was having email banter with the Boy today the subject of my new-found zeal for health came up.  I asked him if it ever occurred to him that I’m not the same woman that he met, and whether that was a good or a bad thing.  His reply?  ‘Don’t worry, I can see past all that to the fatty within’.  Charming 🙂


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