I think I’ve got to the bottom of why I’ve been feeling fat. I think, weirdly, that there’s a certain anti-climax associated with reaching the end of this diet. I know I’m not exactly at the end (I could probably happily lose another stone) but I’m in a place that’s comfortable and I’m clawing my way back to normality. Losing weight steadily and rapidly has dominated my thoughts and my life for most of this year … now that the end is imminent I’m feeling a bit lost, I think. That is manifesting itself in me feeling uncertain about myself and becoming over-conscious of my imperfections. I need to find something else to focus on to distract me! Clearly I don’t want to return to bad behaviour and slack habits, but I think I need to be clear about what the goals and challenges are for me over the next few months and give myself something to aim for.
In terms of small challenges, I’ve had to go out for lunch on two separate days (for work reasons) which is always a bit of a minefield. Because I’m a coward (and because I like the food there) I opted for the same restaurant two days running 🙂 It’s a charcuterie, which meant that I could stick to meat with salad and avoid overloading on carbs or having to run the gauntlet of fatty sauces. I’m quite proud of myself, actually, because I’ve managed both of these lunches without the urge to stuff myself rotten, to have that extra course, to choose something delicious but unhealthy from the dessert menu. I guess I didn’t realise that it wasn’t normal to leave a restaurant table feeling fit to burst until I stopped doing it. I need to make sure that I stick to this mentality in the long run!
This weekend is going to be a bit tricky, too. We’re off to Wiltshire for a friend’s 30th and the main event is a picnic in the grounds of a beautiful National Trust property. Now picnics, like barbecues, are a nightmare. The opportunity to over-indulge on unhealthy snacks is immense, so I need to be on my guard. No Pringles for me! Also, we’re staying overnight in a lovely, quaint country pub … I know that the Boy and the rest of the party will already be planning their huge English breakfasts for Sunday morning. That’s something that I definitely need to steer well clear of. The good news is that the thought of a fry-up actually makes me feel quite ill. I’m more of a black coffee and vanilla protein shake girl these days!
I have to say that I’m loving the weather. Even the fact that my office has no air conditioning and bears a very close resemblance to a Turkish bath by about noon can’t spoil that for me. It’s so liberating being able to wear whatever I want and not be the irritable, overheated fat girl in the corner wishing she could remove some clothing! I was never brave enough to bare my flesh when I was bigger … I have more than a passing admiration for those people who are. But the new me is happier, more relaxed and a darn sight cooler than the old me, that’s for sure.
Here’s hoping that the weather holds for our picnic tomorrow … munching on sugar snap peas under an umbrella isn’t much fun in anyone’s book!