The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Days 157 to 161 – Debit & Credit 21 July 2008

Apologies for the radio silence on the blog over the past few days.  It’s been a bit manic, but I’m getting back to normal now.  I’ve even finally set up my broadband at home, having been offline for over six weeks, so I can blog from there again.  Hooray!

Firstly, I managed to miss my weigh-in on Thursday.  I went to see Leonard Cohen at the O2 and for various reasons had to be there really early.  So the upshot is that I still don’t know what the damage from Canada is!  In the midst of unpacking the house I’ve found our scales, but I just don’t trust their accuracy.  I was intending to visit my counsellor on Saturday, but managed to miss that too (see … I told you things were manic).  I really need to make sure that I keep on track with management and don’t cockily assume that I can miss sessions.  That’s a sure-fire way to pile all the weight back on, frankly.

I seem to have got into a bit of a rhythm over the last couple of weeks, and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.  I tend to be quite lax at the weekend and (within reason) bend the rules a bit, then behave more strictly during the week.  Is that what ‘normal’ people do?  Or is that just a sign that I’ve not fully addressed my issues with food and I’m still indulging myself?  It’s a tricky one.  I’ll give you some examples and you can judge for yourselves.  In the week I have a shake for breakfast, protein and salad for lunch (usually ham or chicken with watercress, sugar snap peas and a dollop of cottage cheese) followed by a fat-free yoghurt, some fruit later in the afternoon and a bar in the evening.  That all seems quite acceptable to me.  At the weekend I stick to a similar routine, but I might have a piece of bread with my salad (bread is still off limits) or might eat in a restaurant and have potato with my meat (that’s off limits too).  The thing is, it seems to be working for me.  I’m not over-indulging, I haven’t so much as been near a sticky dessert, and I feel good.  I’m just not sure whether it’s a healthy debit/credit attitude, or if it’s dangerous yo-yo behaviour.  I guess that only time will tell.

One thing I am worried about is alcohol.  I’m allowed it now, and I thought I would really hold back having been sober for months.  The truth is that I can see myself building slowly towards heavy drinking again (I have such a terrible weakness for red wine).  That, more than food, is going to be my ongoing battle in the months and years ahead I think.  Moderation, moderation, moderation needs to be my mantra!

But I had a great weekend.  With the move back to the house and the gradual return to food I feel that life is getting normal again, which I’ve really been craving.  I went to a cocktail party on Saturday night and gave another new dress its first outing.  It was quite a boobalicious, floor-length pink number (from Monsoon) and I loved wearing it.  It was another one of those occasions that would have been fraught with stress back in the old days, whereas now I feel confident when surrounded by people in their glamorous outfits.  It’s such a relief!

So … another week begins, the sun is shining, my swimming kit is in my bag … here’s to a week of successfully sticking to my good intentions!


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