Apologies for the radio silence on the blog over the past few days. It’s been a bit manic, but I’m getting back to normal now. I’ve even finally set up my broadband at home, having been offline for over six weeks, so I can blog from there again. Hooray!
Firstly, I managed to miss my weigh-in on Thursday. I went to see Leonard Cohen at the O2 and for various reasons had to be there really early. So the upshot is that I still don’t know what the damage from Canada is! In the midst of unpacking the house I’ve found our scales, but I just don’t trust their accuracy. I was intending to visit my counsellor on Saturday, but managed to miss that too (see … I told you things were manic). I really need to make sure that I keep on track with management and don’t cockily assume that I can miss sessions. That’s a sure-fire way to pile all the weight back on, frankly.
I seem to have got into a bit of a rhythm over the last couple of weeks, and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I tend to be quite lax at the weekend and (within reason) bend the rules a bit, then behave more strictly during the week. Is that what ‘normal’ people do? Or is that just a sign that I’ve not fully addressed my issues with food and I’m still indulging myself? It’s a tricky one. I’ll give you some examples and you can judge for yourselves. In the week I have a shake for breakfast, protein and salad for lunch (usually ham or chicken with watercress, sugar snap peas and a dollop of cottage cheese) followed by a fat-free yoghurt, some fruit later in the afternoon and a bar in the evening. That all seems quite acceptable to me. At the weekend I stick to a similar routine, but I might have a piece of bread with my salad (bread is still off limits) or might eat in a restaurant and have potato with my meat (that’s off limits too). The thing is, it seems to be working for me. I’m not over-indulging, I haven’t so much as been near a sticky dessert, and I feel good. I’m just not sure whether it’s a healthy debit/credit attitude, or if it’s dangerous yo-yo behaviour. I guess that only time will tell.
One thing I am worried about is alcohol. I’m allowed it now, and I thought I would really hold back having been sober for months. The truth is that I can see myself building slowly towards heavy drinking again (I have such a terrible weakness for red wine). That, more than food, is going to be my ongoing battle in the months and years ahead I think. Moderation, moderation, moderation needs to be my mantra!
But I had a great weekend. With the move back to the house and the gradual return to food I feel that life is getting normal again, which I’ve really been craving. I went to a cocktail party on Saturday night and gave another new dress its first outing. It was quite a boobalicious, floor-length pink number (from Monsoon) and I loved wearing it. It was another one of those occasions that would have been fraught with stress back in the old days, whereas now I feel confident when surrounded by people in their glamorous outfits. It’s such a relief!
So … another week begins, the sun is shining, my swimming kit is in my bag … here’s to a week of successfully sticking to my good intentions!