The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Days 138 to 140 – The Food See-Saw 30 June 2008

What a weekend!  After endless weekends in abstinence, I felt a bit like I had been let out of jail … but of course that’s a dangerous way to think.  I can’t allow myself to go crazy, but at the same time I’ve realised that I need to stop thinking about where I’m at in terms of ‘this is a diet I’m following’ and instead think that ‘this is how I need to manage my eating for the rest of my life’.  That’s quite a significant mind shift.  What it means is that I need to be constantly aware of what I’m doing … I suppose you could say that I’m living in a constant debit/credit state.

I’ll try and explain.  On Friday, I had lunch with my boss (to discuss my excuse for a career, yikes) so I did the sensible thing and opted for Japanese food.  Sashimi is fine, carbs can be pretty much eliminated, and the food doesn’t come with deceptive and dangerous dressings or sauces.  So that was fine.  I bent the rules (again) in that I had some sliced beef, and some duck, in with all the allowed protein that I’m supposed to be having.  To compensate for that, I made sure that I got up bright and early on Saturday and went swimming for half an hour.  I would’ve swum for longer, to be honest, but I wasn’t quite early enough and had to beat a hasty retreat from the pool just as armies of small children were preparing to descend on it.  I have nothing against small children per se, but my goggles are a bit scratched so the chance of colliding with the little blighters was very high.  Plus they do unmentionable things in the water too, if you catch my drift, and I tend to accidentally swallow quite a bit of water …

Overall I think I navigated the minefield of the weekend quite well.  I worked out when I’d be in a situation when eating would be necessary (or desireable!) and worked my lighter life packs around that.  I have to say, though, that I’m struggling to eat three packs a day in addition to one meal.  It just feels like too much.  When I see my counsellor on Thursday I’m going to ask if I can reduce it to two a day, otherwise I’m just wasting money and adding to the alarming number of spare packs that are accumulating in my kitchen cupboard.  Although (and this is really sad) I might keep having a shake for breakfast after this is over because I’ve actually come to really like them, and they do set me up for the day.  Weird, that, isn’t it?  You’d think I’d want to burn the bloody things after all this time.

I’m finding not drinking quite a struggle, but I’m trying to manage that too.  I’m not supposed to drink alcohol until week 5, but I’ve broken that rule.  Last night I was in the pub watching the football (hooray for Spain!) and rather than the usual five or six pints that it would have entailed, I sipped my way very slowly through two gin and slimline tonics with sparkling water on the side.  I’m convinced that a big part of my weight problem was alcohol-related, so doubling up a low(ish) calorie alcoholic drink with water may well be the solution in the long term.  And that will kiss goodbye to terrible red wine hangovers too!

Something odd happened to me on Friday.  I met a friend in the pub that evening and suddenly, without warning, I fainted.  One minute I was talking to her, the next it all went black and my boyfriend had to catch me before I hit the deck.  It took me about half an hour to recover, and I had to go home early because I felt physically exhausted.  I can only guess that it has something to do with my blood sugar levels going up and down whereas for the last few months they’ve been fairly stable.  I’m going to talk to my counsellor about this too … as you can imagine, my friend now thinks that I’m starving myself and that’s why I fainted, whereas in reality I’m consuming more calories now than I have for ages!

I have a client party tonight.  I think I may allow myself one drink and do my damndest to avoid the canapes.  They may be bite-sized, but by heck are they lethal …

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