I’ve done a lot of thinking this week and have come to some decisions. I’m going to start management on Monday. I was going to stay in developers for another two weeks, but have cut that short. The reason for doing this is that I have about another stone to lose (tops) and I think I can do this in management. Having spent some time looking at my body I don’t want to keep up the rapid losses … I’ve done OK on the loose skin front so far, but think that if I carry on in abstinence then I’m going to end up with that delightful deflated balloon look. And if I still want to shift a few pounds at the end of managment, then so be it. It’s very odd not to know what your ‘normal’ body is supposed to look like. I have no idea what a comfortable, stable weight for thin me is … but I’m getting close to it, I think.
So … I’m going to my class on Monday to collect packs and say goodbye to the group (who I’ve only had one full session with!) and then I’ll join the management class the following Thursday. This means I’ll effectively be doing week 1 of management for 10 days, which I think is actually a good thing as I’ll get back into the rhythm of real food slowly without the temptation to go bananas. I had a chat to my counsellor about it, not least because my BMI is still fractionally over 25, but she feels that I’m ready and is confident that it’s the right thing for me to do. I know that some people get scared about going back to the world of food, but I’m more excited than scared. It will be a bit odd to eat food without thinking that I’m breaking some sort of rule!
Other than a bit of navel gazing, the last couple of days have been fairly uneventful. In my ongoing pursuit of vanity I did something I’ve never done before and went for a spray fake tan. Now, before you think that this diet has turned me from a level-headed kind of a chick into some self-obsessed, high-maintenance, WAG-alike nightmare, it’s not true! The simple fact is that I’m going to a wedding in three weeks, will be forced to bare my arms and parts of my legs (yikes!), and my poor old skin was so absurdly pale that I think you could actually see me from space. That’s what happens when you cover up your squidgy self for years on end (I’m also not supposed to go in the sun for medical reasons, but that’s a different story). I’m not enough of a maniac to try fake tanning for the very first time the day before the wedding, so this was a test run. It seemed to work and I’m currently a pleasant golden colour (except for my bloody legs which seem to have rejected the tan … grrr) with slightly orange feet 🙂 Of course I’m fully anticipating that I will be orange, streaky and blotchy before the weekend is out when the stuff starts to wear off … happy days.
So this is my last weekend in abstinence. I have a trip to the pub, lunch with the Boy’s family, a birthday party, housewarming drinks and a potential trip out for a curry to contend with, then I’m home and dry. Oh, sounds like a stroll in the park …