I’m full of the joys today. I’m still very low on energy, but I’ve now only got four weeks of abstinence left and I’m ready for the final dash to the finish line. I don’t know what weight I’ll achieve before I go into management, but at this precise moment in time I don’t care. Weird that, isn’t it? There was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I had to achieve a certain weight or I would have ‘failed’, but now I realise that this whole journey has been a collection of achievements, both physical and mental, and the sum total of those matters more to me than a number on some scales. Now that may sound like someone making excuses for not hitting a magic number, but it’s not meant to. And who knows what weight loss I’ll achieve … I’m still not there yet.
That said, I had a very low loss last week (2 lbs) and that has made me a bit nervous about tonight. It may sound odd, but you get a sense of when you’re losing lots of weight and when you’re not. For the past couple of weeks I’ve felt that I’m not. The plus side is that on those weeks I tend to lose inches … this was proved correct when I had to do up my belt on the next notch at the weekend. I think I may well be in size 12 jeans within the next week or so … this was unthinkable back in February and I’m so happy about it I could cry. But the proof will be in the pudding tonight at my weigh-in. I’m keeping everything crossed for a decent loss, but I won’t be throwing myself off any bridges if it’s another small one. Well, I say that now …
I saw my friend on Friday night and all he said was ‘you’re looking well’. It was only about an hour later that I told him I’d been dieting and lost weight and we talked about it. It’s funny … I think most blokes feel very awkward discussing people’s weight. It’s probably years of walking the minefield of ‘does my bum look big in this?’ with female friends and girlfriends! One of my male colleagues came up to me and said ‘I don’t know what the etiquette is on this, but I wanted to tell you that you’re looking great and seem to be getting smaller every time I see you’. I thanked him and said that it’s probably OK to tell people they’ve lost weight, but not that they’ve gained it. Is that right? It’s a fine line between flattery and offence, frankly!
The rest of the weekend was very domesticated. I think I was the only person in London who didn’t bask in the sun for the duration … and I’m certainly one of only a handful of people without sunburn today. But there will be other sunny weekends, and I really needed to crack on with the house. I’ve also added to my beautiful collection of bruises … I wish I knew why this diet was having that effect on me. Is it because I’ve literally lost the cushion of fat that used to protect me? It’s not helped by the fact that I’m much more clumsy and awkward than I was before, because the dramatic change in my shape means that my spatial awareness is all out of kilter. I need to retrain my brain to understand how much physical space I take up. But until that happens I’ll have to keep stumbling along like a drunk woman, crashing into things that I really don’t need to crash into, much to the bewilderment of everyone else no doubt.
Time to do some work, unfortunately … I’ll update tonight’s weight loss tomorrow.
Oh, and I’ve added a ‘contact me’ page (top right hand corner of the blog) for those of you who want to send emails rather than publishing your comments on the site, so feel free to use it 🙂