What a weekend … I’m sitting at my desk barely able to keep my eyes open, and it’s not because I’ve spent the whole weekend on the tiles, unfortunately!
I dashed home on Friday and tried on my new jeans … I was delighted that they fitted and even more delighted to think that I am now able to just order things online in my size. I’m starting to feel like a normal person! Right at the beginning of the diet we had a group discussion about what we wanted from this whole experience. You may be surprised to know that none of us talked about radical changes to our lives and that the prevailing desire among us was, simply, to be ‘normal’. Well, I feel like I’m almost there, and I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to be just like everybody else. It’s not that I want to be a dull old wallflower, but I only want to be noticed for the right reasons and not the wrong ones.
I went to the bar opening on Friday night which was great fun. And I have a confession to make … I had a cocktail. Just a small Manhattan, which is my absolute favourite. The inevitable happened, and I could barely finish the damn thing because my head was starting to swim, so it was back on the water for me. More worryingly, having had only a few sips of the drink, the peanuts and canapes on the bar suddenly looked very attractive. Now I’ve not had a problem avoiding nibbly snacks at all but, once the microscopic amount of booze had kicked in, suddenly my defences were very much down. I took that as a timely warning not to drink again until the diet is over. Clearly drinking alcohol isn’t a calorie/ketosis issue, it’s an inhibitions issue! So I’ll be remaining entirely sober for the next few weeks.
The rest of the weekend was spent working like a slave in my house. My Mum and I attacked my kitchen with gusto and have been sanding, scrubbing, waxing, glossing and emulsioning all weekend. And bloody good fun it was too … but I have to say that it absolutely wiped me out. I struggled to drink my requisite 4 litres of water (purely because I was busy and the time ran away with me) and also found that I got to about 9pm and still had two packs to eat … no wonder I was exhausted and a bit dizzy by that point. One of the main reasons that I’m looking forward to a return to normal eating is that I want to be able to exert myself without feeling absolutely shattered afterwards.
I’ve also been having a bit of a problem with dizzy spells. If I stand up too quickly I begin to black out … as you can imagine I had fun going up and down a stepladder over the weekend. My blood pressure has always been normal and I’ve not had anything like this before, so it’s a bit of a worry. My Mum told me that most of my family suffer from low blood pressure (which was news to me) so I came to the conclusion that perhaps my weight had raised mine to an artificially normal level. That theory was blown out of the water on Sunday when I had my blood pressure taken to find that it’s completely normal still. So what’s causing the blackouts I don’t know. I need to speak to my counsellor about it because I’m paranoid that I’m going to faint on the tube or something and do myself some serious damage.
So now I’m camping out in my Dad’s flat, with a very confused cat and lots of gloss paint cemented alluringly under my fingernails. Happy days! I have a weigh-in tonight and tomorrow marks the beginning of my final five weeks in abstinence. I can’t believe it’s gone so fast … and I’d like to say that I’ll miss it but that would be a big fat fib.