Last night I bit another bullet … I went to meet a fellow lighter lifer for a mineral water or two and I wore a skirt. Not any old skirt, but a short denim skirt that I daringly purchased in Top Shop (Top Shop!) last week, in a perfectly respectable size 12. I finally felt brave enough to bare my knees to an unsuspecting public for the first time in about fifteen years. When I say bare them, I was polite enough to wear a pair of tights and tall boots as my blue skin, pitifully un-toned flesh and array of bruises might otherwise have caused spontaneous vomiting as I made my way to the pub. But I did it! I realised while I was halfway there that I was shuffling along, head down, paranoid about what people might be thinking (pathetic, eh?) and doing a pretty good impersonation of my fat self, so I stuck my chin up, sucked in what needed to be sucked in, and strode the rest of the way. I can’t say that I got any wolf whistles, but nobody glared at me in disgust either. Hooray!
Needless to say I’m back in jeans for work today … one step at a time, eh? 🙂
The friend that I met has now gone into the management phase of the diet, and by all accounts is doing really well. It’s making me even more excited about getting to that point myself … I can’t wait. I know that for a lot of people the prospect of a return to normal eating is quite scary (what if we screw it all up?) but I have to say that I’m relishing the challenge. I feel a bit like I’ve passed my driving test but haven’t yet been able to go for a drive on my own. That may sound over-confident, but I have to believe that the new me will be able to cope with normal life, otherwise this hasn’t worked for me in the way that I hope it has. I’m really curious, excited and downright impatient about seeing how I approach my thinner life.
I’m going to see my counsellor tonight to talk to another one of her groups. Apparently they’re all finding it a bit tricky to stay on the lighter life wagon, and she thinks that meeting someone who has been through the foundation process might help them. I feel quite flattered, to be honest … do I play good cop and encourage them or bad cop and tick them off for cheating? Only joking … there’s only scope in this diet for good cops! They’re suffering from an outbreak of ‘if we eat some protein then we’ll still lose weight and be fine’. Well, that may be true, and it’s human nature to find ways to bend the rules (especially if you’re a serial dieter), but they’re missing the whole point of abstinence. Without sounding like a stuck record, it’s fundamental to our future success to fully address our issues with food and over-indulgence, otherwise we won’t be able to remain in control of our diet when the lighter life process ends and we go it alone. Abstinence is the tool that allows you to get there, to get to that point of control. It’s not about just losing those pounds every week … you can wire your jaw and do that, frankly, but you won’t have dealt with any of your psychological issues and will find it very difficult not to slide back into old habits and bad eating. I hope I manage to give them a bit of encouragement … it’s impossible not to be positive about this programme when you’ve had the kind of experience that I have. Fingers crossed!