I’ve been off work for a couple of days because I was feeling under the weather, so I spent Tuesday and Wednesday in my kitchen in front of my laptop. It’s amazing how much I get done when I’m not in the office … no distractions, no noise, no temptation to wander off and do something else.
What this did mean was that I had a lot of time to think. I realised that normally I would’ve filled a lot of that time with food … I’ve commented before on how much people snack when they’re bored or idle, and I’m no exception. One of the key things about this diet is that I’ve finally realised that I do have certain problems with food. No shit, Sherlock, I hear people cry! Well, it’s not as obvious as all that. Even when I stepped on the dreaded scales for the first time at my lighter life introduction meeting and saw the horrible truth, I was still telling myself that I wasn’t an overeater, that my weight was probably down to over-indulgence (mainly in booze!) over many years and an abject lack of any serious exercise.
Now I’ve come to understand that what I thought was a slightly laissez faire attitude was actually a reflection of my utter lack of discipline around food. I would snack at will, would never actively turn down enticing food that was on offer and would indulge myself in unhealthy, calorie-laden food without a care in the world. I’ve well and truly realised what my weaknesses are … I don’t have an overly sweet tooth but instead love things like chips, bread, dairy and crisps. (Now … what is the point of crisps, really? I was thinking that this morning. They have no nutritional value and are so incredibly bad for you, and yet I would happily eat them on a daily basis. I never intend to do that again. Crisps will be restricted to the occasional tortilla if I’m at a party, and that’s a promise to myself I won’t break.)
This reliance on stodgy, carb-laden foods is quite typical of overeaters, I think. It’s classic comfort food, isn’t it? Just the kind of thing that gives you the illusion of feeling good while you’re eating it … and then makes you feel bad when it goes straight to your hips. I’m going to have to be very careful about not slipping back into that way of eating when I finish this, or all my efforts will have been in vain. I know that I’m probably cured of my chips addiction, but I know that bread will be a real struggle. I love the stuff, even though it does actually make me feel heavy and bloated. Perhaps I’ll spend some time before the end of the diet trying to find recipes for healthier, lighter (gluten free?) bread. But processed white bread from the supermarket will be a definite no-no. It’s crap, let’s face it!
People keep asking me what my first meal will be. Even though I’ve got over 10 weeks to go, I’ve been thinking about it too (well, it’s only natural!). I know that the eating plan in the management phase is very strict (and rightly so … imagine what a big plate of sausage and mash would do to my insides after 21 weeks of abstinence … ugh) but all I can say is that there’s a plate of sashimi out there with my name on it. And, despite the rules about re-introducing alcohol, it will most definitely be washed down with a glass of my beloved red wine. Now that’s going to be a meal worth waiting for 🙂