The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Days Sixty Eight to Seventy – The Fear 22 April 2008

Now this is going to sound stupid, but I’m quite nervous about the group tonight.  It’s not that I’ve cheated, or given up … it’s just that I don’t think I could bear it if I’d only lost 2 lbs like I did last week.  I know that might seem like an over-reaction, but it’s not exactly heartening to go through all of this without the light at the end of the tunnel which is the weekly weigh-in.  I’m also not feeling too well, which isn’t putting me in the most optimistic frame of mind, it must be said.

But let’s be positive!  I had a great weekend.  On Saturday I went to see my Mum and she kept telling me how impressed she is with my progress and how different I look.  Considering she probably knows me better than anyone on the planet, that was very encouraging.  Then in the evening we went to a friend’s birthday party in a bar in Soho.  Absolutely everyone commented on the weight loss.  As one (male) friend put it, ‘this is so weird … it’s your voice I’m hearing but it’s not your face I’m looking at’.  A slightly odd compliment, but a good one.  I did struggle a little when everyone else was on the champagne and cocktails, but after ten weeks I’m well and truly used to the mineral water.  Actually I had to resort to soda water, but even that was fine by me.  The only disappointment was that I hit that point again where everyone else was so drunk that I couldn’t communicate with them and had to leave earlier than usual.

On Sunday I had lots of people over for lunch and cooked again.  I made, among other things, my first ever cheesecake (lemon and mint with a ginger biscuit base, if you’re interested … all my own recipe!) and of course didn’t even taste it.  I didn’t so much as lick my fingers.  Now that’s restraint.  As for everyone else, I think they found the whole thing harder than I did, to be honest … it must be weird to have someone cook for you and not eat anything.  Not that it stopped them from getting stuck in!  My only weak moment was well after lunch was finished, strangely enough.  I’d left the veg on the side to cool down and, of course, everyone was snaffling cold roast potatoes as they wandered in and out of the kitchen.  I suddenly really craved one … how come they didn’t interest me when they were hot, but when they were sitting there, cold and slightly greasy in a bowl, they suddenly became very attractive?  I have no idea.

I really want the weather to get better so I can do more walking.  I’ve got a bit of momentum going and it will be a shame if the rain gets in the way.  Given that I’m very low on clothing at the moment, I don’t really want to buy a weatherproof jacket to walk in if it’s not going to fit me in a few weeks.  The clothing issue is a bit of a nightmare, as it goes.  I simply can’t justify re-stocking my wardrobe until this is over, so in the meantime I’m having to be really strict on washing and drying the few clothes that I have.  And I know … it’s a nice problem to have, really.

Well … two hours until the group.  I’m keeping everything crossed.  If I’ve not shifted a decent amount this week, there will most definitely be tears.

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